What Makes a Good Marriage? (Week 1)

My friend, Cole, asked me and a few other women who have been married a long time to write posts about marriage. She did such a great job introducing this important topic that I want to repost the series so my readers can read all the articles as well. Enjoy and may your marriages (or future marriages) be strengthened!

Here Comes the Sun

In sunny Southern California, rain is rare (especially during a drought, which we are currently in). We were lucky enough to get some rain last week. Except—-it rained for 4 or 5 days straight! We didn’t even SEE the sun. I actually prayed for that rain and was grateful for it, but was really, really happy when the sun made its appearance again a few days ago. I was struck by how much I appreciated the sun after not having it for 5 days in a row. That got me thinking about how I take the sun for granted. It shines nearly every day where I live, so I tend not to notice it—until it was gone for 5 days.

Then I spent some time thinking about other things I take for granted because they are always there; like my husband, Tim. He is faithful, steady, hard working and I can depend upon him. But one day one of us is going to die and leave the other alone. Just the thought of that makes tears spring to my eyes. I truly can’t imagine him (or me) not being here! So in the spirit of not taking him for granted, I made a point yesterday to verbally tell him that I love him and I truly appreciate how hard he works at his very stressful job. I also told him how amazing I think he is and that he has earned my respect for a lifetime.

Taking things and people for granted is like walking around in the dark. Practicing gratitude is like running into the light. I choose the light!

Ready, Set, Reset!

I like to go on trips. Not only is it nice to have a change of scenery and disruption of routine, but it also allows me to press the “reset” button on my life. While my natural bent is to pack my schedule full of activities, trips force me to be still while waiting in airports and flying on airplanes. These are times of deep thought for me: Evaluating where my life has been, where I am presently and where God might want to take me in the future.

My latest trip was to attend my 35^th Class Reunion. I had not been to any of my previous reunions. I had a wonderful time reconnecting with my classmates from 35 years ago. I enjoyed hearing about their jobs, kids and where life had taken them in the last 3-1/2 decades. Some of them had been through incredible hardships, like the woman who had endured 5 back surgeries and was in constant pain, and her sister who lost her only 2 sons to muscular dystrophy 29 days apart. I barely held myself together when she told me this! My eyes filled with tears and I had to work hard not to sob. As we said goodbye, she said she was glad her sons were together in Heaven and didn’t have to be apart. I was humbled by her great faith.

There was also laughter as one friend and I remembered stalking 2 boys from our rival school and somehow landing a few dates with them. We laughed at how bold we had been!

What struck me the most was the humanity of each person at the reunion. It really didn’t matter how much education they had acquired, what job they had, how long they had been married or how many kids they had raised. Each one was precious because he or she was a soul created by God and eternally loved by him.

…And by me. I love each and every one of those people. I really do…

Time

I admit I’m a task-oriented clock watcher. I like doing lots of things and getting things done. I often measure the success of the day by how many tasks I accomplish. I tend to be meticulous too, so I need to look at the clock regularly to keep me on track so I don’t lose myself in the details of the task at hand.

When I was a pre-teen, we lived on a farm on the outskirts of Pierce, Colorado. There were no kids to play with for miles. During summer vacation, my brother, sister and I watched a lot of television since we were home alone while our Mom was at work. Watching TV became tiresome and I decided I wanted to spend my time in a more productive way, so I would occupy myself doing things like reading books, making gum wrapper chains, and twirling my baton to songs like The Ventures “Telstar.” I also tried to teach myself to tap dance, but I did not own tap shoes and my tennis shoes kept getting “caught” on the carpet.

Today was a bit out of character for me because I did not put on my watch. At all. It was pure bliss! I ignored the clock altogether as I cleaned house, listened to a book on a CD while preparing food and took the dog on a long walk around the neighborhood. As I walked along, I noticed an elderly neighbor I had not seen in awhile. I crossed the street and spent some time chatting with her. I crossed back to the other side of the street and finished my walk, all the while experiencing a deep level of peace. I realized I am my best self when I’m not under a time deadline. Without time constraints, I am unhurried, open to random human interaction and at peace.

Lately, I’ve been asking God to teach me how to live in the moment. It seems that going without my watch is a good start.

The Meteor and Me

Last night I was on the back patio flat on my back looking up at the sky at 1:00 am straining my eyes to see meteors shooting quick bursts of light across the sky. They were so fast! I was positive that as I gazed at one section of the sky, I was missing meteors shooting by in another section of the sky. Back and forth I scanned, seeing at least a dozen meteors shooting across the sky during the one hour I lie there.

While I waited for the appearance of a new meteor, I was captivated by the twinkling stars. It was as if each star was attached by a string, dangling down for the world to see. Some were very bright while others were more subdued. I marvelled at their beauty and my eyes filled with tears. A scripture came to mind: “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.” (Psalm 19:1). I thanked God for creating such beauty for us to enjoy. I thanked him for my eyes and that I can see! Gratitude filled my heart and I felt warm all over… And then IT happened!

A meteor shot across the sky, only it was going much slower than the others. Instead of a millisecond, it took a few seconds to traverse across the sky, AND it left a fiery orange trail in its wake. WOW! I was amazed and slightly scared all at the same time! It was the most beautiful and amazing thing I have ever seen in the sky! I felt so small lying there observing this glorious show and pondered how the God who created all I was seeing could also love each one of us so individually and personally.

Treasure Search

Something I try to do is to find the sacred hidden within the “stuff” of regular life. It’s like searching for treasure.

The day began like an ordinary day, but one phone call changed everything. My dear friend was in the hospital and not expected to live much longer. Her husband thought I might like to say goodbye. I went to the hospital to send my friend heavenward with one last word of love. Words were exchanged, hugs given and bible verses shared.

Then I found treasure. I saw love. Real love. These two had been married for nearly 51 years. He by her bedside, feeding her ice chips. She looking at him with concern as his shoulders heaved with sobs. They both knew that her time upon this earth was nearly over. Yet, the love that passed between them as he carefully placed the ice in her mouth was unmistakable. Grateful to be observing this divine moment, I almost had to look away as the tears mounted in my eyes.

She had fought cancer off and on for over 20 years. Then came the Alzheimer’s. At the end, he became her constant caregiver.

As I watched them, I was struck by the beauty of the moment. She had no makeup and her face was just a shadow of the glowing beauty she once was. Yet, her husband gently cared for her as if she were a queen.

Love. Real love. Selfless love. Life-long love. Christ-like love. Treasure indeed.

Hello! I’m plunging into the blog world.

A friend suggested I blog, so here goes.

“Anything is better than nothing.”  This motto came to me one day many years ago and has become a treasured companion.  I was trying to cultivate a regular Bible reading time, but my boys were very small and they needed me constantly.  I tried in vain to wake up early, tip toe out of my room and read the bible before they woke up.  I would barely start reading and one of the boys would wake up.  They had Mommy radar!!!  Ugh!  Frustration!  I almost gave up, but then a lovely sentence came to me “Anything is better than nothing”.  That changed everything!  Instead of being frustrated by the tiny amount of time I had to read the Bible, I now felt thankful if I could read for 5 minutes, because 5 minutes truly was better than 0 minutes.

SO many times when I’m short on time and tempted to skip my power walk, my motto gently floats through my mind:  “Anything is better than nothing” and I take off pounding the sidewalk as fast as my feet will carry me for 5 or 10 minutes.

I know, you’re probably thinking “What’s the big deal?”  “Who cares if you skip a bible study, a walk or a workout once in awhile?  For a normal person, it’s a non-issue, but for a recovering perfectionist like me, it’s huge!  The perfectionist manifesto states that every thing must be done from start to finish and be done perfectly.  If there isn’t enough time to do it perfectly or completely, it must not be done at all.  There you go.  That’s why “Anything is better than nothing” is so big for me.